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Daniil Kharms
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Myshin's Triumph

They said to Myshin: -- Hey, Myshin, get up!
Myshin said: -- I won't get up -- and continued lying on the floor.
Then Kalugin came up to Myshin and said: -- If you don't get up, Myshin, I will make you get up.
-- No -- said Myshin, continuing to lie on the floor.
Selizneva went up to Myshin and said: -- Myshin, you are for ever sprawling about the floor in the corridor and you interfere with us walking backwards and forwards.
-- I have been interfering and I shall keep on interfering -- said Myshin.
-- Well, you know -- said Korshunov, but Kalugin interrupted him and said:
-- What's the point of carrying on long conversations about it! Call the militia!
They called for the militia and called out a militiaman.
The militiaman arrived after half an hour with the caretaker.
-- What's going on here? -- asked the militiaman.
-- How do you like this! -- said Korshunov, but Kalugin interrupted him and said:
-- This is the situation. This citizen lies here on the floor all the time and interferes with us walking along the corridor. We've tried telling him this and that...
But at this point Kalugin was interrupted by Selizneva, who said: -- We've asked him to go away, but he doesn't go away.
-- Yes -- said Korshunov.
The militiaman went up to Myshin.
-- You, citizen, why are you lying here? -- asked the militiaman.
-- I'm resting -- said Myshin.
-- Resting here is not good enough, citizen -- said the militiaman. -- Where do you live, citizen?
-- Here -- said Myshin.
-- Where's your room? -- asked the militiaman.
-- He's registered in our flat, but he doesn't have a room -- said Kalugin.
-- Wait a minute, citizen -- said the militiaman -- I'll have a word with him now. Citizen, where do you sleep?
-- Here -- said Myshin.
-- Allow me to -- said Korshunov, but Kalugin interrupted him and said:
-- He doesn't even have a bed and he sprawls right on the bare floor.
-- They've been complaining about him for a long time -- said the caretaker.
-- It's absolutely impossible to walk along the corridor -- said Selizneva -- I can't keep stepping over a man for ever. And he sticks out his legs on purpose, and he sticks out his hands, and he lies on his back and looks up. I come back tired from work, I need a rest.
-- And I can add -- said Korshunov, but Kalugin interrupted him and said:
-- He lies here at night, as well. Everyone trips over him in the dark. I tore my blanket because of him.
Selizneva said: -- He's always got tin-tacks and things falling out of his pocket. It's impossible to walk barefooted down the corridor, or before you know where you are -- you put your foot on something.
-- They wanted to set him alight with kerosene the other day -- said the caretaker.
-- We did pour kerosene over him -- said Korshunov, but Kalugin interrupted him and said:
-- We only poured kerosene over him to scare him, but we weren't going to set light to him.
-- Oh no, I wouldn't have a man burned alive in my presence -- said Selizneva.
-- But why is this citizen lying in the corridor? -- the militiaman suddenly asked.
-- That's a fine how do you do! -- said Korshunov, but Kalugin interrupted him and said:
-- Well, because he hasn't got any other living space: here's where I live, in this room, and she's in that one, and that one's his, and so Myshin lives here, in the corridor.
-- That's not good enough -- said the militiaman. -- Everyone should be lying in their own living space.
-- But he hasn't got any other living space, except in the corridor -- said Kalugin.
-- That's just it -- said Korshunov.
-- And so he goes on lying here -- said Selizneva.
-- That's not good enough -- said the militiaman and went away, together with the caretaker.
Korshunov leaped over to Myshin.
-- What about it? -- he yelled. -- How did you like that, then?
-- Wait -- said Kalugin. And, going up to Myshin, he said: -- Did you hear what the militiaman said? Get up from the floor!
-- I won't get up -- said Myshin, continuing to lie there on the floor.
-- Now he will deliberately and furthermore and for ever keep on lying there -- said Selizneva.
-- Definitely -- said Kalugin with some irritation.
And Korshunov said: -- I don't doubt it. Parfaitement!