Explore Daniil Kharms
Daniil Kharms
Download the Latest Issue of AMR
Absurdist Monthly Review
Click Here
Search: Browse Stories

Pakin and Rakukin

-- You, cut out that snottering! -- said Pakin to Rakukin.
Rakukin wrinkled up his nose and looked at Pakin with hostility.
-- What are you looking at? Seen enough yet? -- asked Pakin.
Rakukin chewed at his lips and, indignant in his revolving armchair, began looking the other way. Pakin drummed on his knee with his fingers and said:
-- What a fool! I'd like to take a good stick to his skull.
Rakukin stood up and started to walk out of the room, but Pakin quickly leapt up, caught up with Rakukin and said:
-- Wait a minute! Where d'ye think you're rushing off to? Better sit down, I've something to show you.
Rakukin stopped and looked distrustfully at Pakin.
-- What, don't you believe me? -- asked Pakin.
-- I believe you -- said Rakukin.
-- Well then, sit down here, in this armchair -- said Pakin.
And Rakukin sat down again in his revolving armchair.
-- So, then -- said Pakin -- what are you sitting in that chair for, like a fool?
Rakukin moved his legs about and began a rapid blinking of the eyes.
-- Don't blink -- said Pakin.
Rakukin stopped blinking and, adopting a hunched posture, drew his head in to his shoulders.
-- Sit straight -- said Pakin.
Rakukin, continuing to sit hunched up, stuck out his belly and extended his neck.
-- Ee -- said Pakin -- I couldn't half give you a smack in the kisser!
Rakukin hiccupped, puffed out his cheeks, and then carefully emitted the air through his nostrils.
-- Now, you, stop that snottering! -- said Pakin to Rakukin.
Rakukin extended his neck even more and again began an extremely rapid blinking of the eyes.
Pakin said:
-- If you, Rakukin, don't stop that blinking immediately, I'll give you a good boot in the chest.
Rakukin, so as not to blink, twisted his jaws, extended his neck still further, and threw his head back.
-- Uh, what an execrable sight you are -- said Pakin. -- A mug like a chicken's, a blue neck, simply revolting.
At that instant, Rakukin's head was lolling back further and further and, finally, all tension lost, it collapsed on to his back.
-- What the devil! -- exclaimed Pakin -- What sort of a conjuring trick is that supposed to be?
Looking at Rakukin from Pakin's position, it could quite easily be assumed that Rakukin was sitting there with no head at all. Rakukin's Adam's apple was sticking up in the air. Unwittingly one might well think that it was his nose.
-- Eh, Rakukin! -- said Pakin.
Rakukin was silent.
-- Rakukin! -- repeated Pakin.
Rakukin didn't reply and continued to sit motionless.
-- So -- said Pakin -- Rakukin's snuffed it.
Pakin crossed himself and left the room on tip-toe.
About fourteen minutes later a small soul climbed out of Rakukin's body and threw a malevolent look at the place where Pakin had just been sitting. But then the tall figure of the angel of death came out from behind the cupboard and, taking Rakukin's soul by the hand, led it away somewhere, straight through houses and walls. Rakukin's soul ran after the angel of death, constantly glancing malevolently back. But then the angel of death stepped up the pace and Rakukin's soul, leaping and stumbling, disappeared far away in the streets.