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Daniil Kharms
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Young Man who Astonished a Watchman, The

-- Look at that! -- said the watchman, examining a fly. -- If I smeared it with carpenter's glue, then that would very likely be the end of it. What a laugh! Just with a bit of glue!
-- Hey you, leprechaun! -- a young man in yellow gloves hailed the watchman.
The watchman immediately realized that this was addressed to him, but he continued looking at the fly.
-- I'm talking to you, aren't I? -- the young man shouted again. -- You yahoo!
The watchman crushed the fly with his finger and, without turning his head to the young man, said:
-- Who do you think you're bawling at, you cheeky bugger? I can hear you all right. There's no need to bawl like that!
The young man brushed his trousers down with his gloves and asked, in a refined voice: -- Tell me, old chap, how do I get to heaven from here?
The watchman stared at the young man, screwed up one eye, then screwed up the other, then scratched his beard, stared at the young man again and said: -- There's nothing to hang about here for, go on, on your way.
-- Excuse me -- said the young man -- it's an urgent matter for me. There's even a room ready booked for me there.
-- Okay -- said the watchman -- show me your ticket.
-- I haven't got a ticket on me; they said I'd be let in, just like that -- said the young man, looking the watchman in the eye.
-- Look at that! -- said the watchman.
-- So, what about it, then? -- said the young man. -- Are you going to let me through?
-- Okay, okay -- said the watchman. -- Go on, then.
-- And how do I get there? Where is it? -- asked the young man. -- You see, I don't know the way.
-- Where do you need to go? -- asked the watchman, putting on a severe look.
The young man covered his face with the palm of his hand and said very quietly: -- To heaven!
The watchman leaned forward, moved his right leg so as to stand up more firmly, looked at the young man intently and asked sternly:
-- What are you doing? Playing the bloody fool?
The young man smiled, raised his hand in its yellow glove, waved it above his head and suddenly disappeared.
The watchman sniffed the air. There was a smell of burnt feathers in the air.
-- Look at that! -- said the watchman; he unzipped his jerkin, scratched his stomach, spat on the spot where the young man had stood and slowly went off to his hut.