There Once Was a Man...There once was a man whose name was Kuznetsov. He left his house to go to a shop to buy some carpenter's glue so as to stick a stool.
When Kuznetsov was walking past an unfinished house, a brick fell off the top and hit Kuznetsov on the head.
Kuznetsov fell, but straight away jumped to his feet and felt over his head. On Kuznetsov's head a huge lump had come up.
Kuznetsov gave the lump a rub and said: -- I, citizen Kuznetsov, left the house to go to the shop to . . . to . . . to . . . Oh, what on earth's happened? I've forgotten why I was going to the shop!
At this point a second brick fell off the roof and again Kuznetsov was struck on the head.
-- Akh! -- cried Kuznetsov, clutching at his head and feeling a second lump on his head.
-- A likely story! -- said Kuznetsov. -- I, citizen Kuznetsov, left the house to go to . . . to go to . . . to go to . . . where was I going!
Then a third brick fell from the top on to Kuznetsov's head. And on Kuznetsov's head a third lump came up. -- Oh heck! -- yelled out Kuznetsov, snatching at his head. -- I, citizen Kuznetsov, left the . . . left the . . . Left the cellar? No. Left the boozer? Nol Where did I leave?
A fourth brick fell from the roof, hit Kuznetsov on the back of the head and a fourth lump came up on Kuznetsov.
-- Well, now then! -- said Kuznetsov, scratching the back of his head. -- I . . . I . . . I . . . Who am I ? I seem to have forgotten what my name is ... A likely story! Whatever's my name? Vasily Petukhov? No. Nikolay Sapogov? No. Panteley Rysakov? No. Well, who the hell am I?
But then a fifth brick fell off the roof and so struck Kuznetsov on the back of the head that Kuznetsov forgot everything once and for all and, crying 'Oh, oh, oh!', ran off down the street.
If you wouldn't mind! If anyone should meet a man in the street with five lumps on his head, please remind him that his name is Kuznetsov and that he has to buy some carpenter's glue and repair a broken stool.